Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
