He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
