I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
