yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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