I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
