saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I won the penis lottery.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
