He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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