if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
