Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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