Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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