Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
