i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
