Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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