Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
