the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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