just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
