I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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