well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
