why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
