They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
