I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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