we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
