I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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