spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
