I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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