I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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