Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
