my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're too hungover to prance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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