Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
