My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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