it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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