I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
