Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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