i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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