It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
