Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
