I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
