You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
