Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
