I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
