I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
