if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
