She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
