possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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