Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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