it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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