Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
