theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
