I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
