So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
