worst night to have a conscience
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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